Battery Collar Dog
***
So you just found out that dogs don’t really
run on batteries, that their energy doesn’t come from a nine volt
Duracell, and you don’t have to pay extreme cash for portable,
non-rechargeable electricity anymore. The only thing is that you don’t
want to get rid of your battery operated pet, because he is furry and
funny and is the first toy you have ever owned. That, and you named him
Jasper Jinkies. Your battery collar dog stays with you, and there is
nothing anyone (but your landlord) can say about it.
Ah, landlords. They don’t like pets anymore than you want real ones, but
because your battery collar dog barks nearly like a real one, it
aggravates your landlord to no end. Sure, it can only imitate the bark of
a real dog, but your landlord is not really that sharp of a cookie; if he
hears something resembling barking, he will think it’s not the garbage
compactor screwing up again, it’s really some annoying dog barking the
night away. And he’ll bang on your door, telling you to toss Jasper
Jinkies out your window, so he can get some quality rest, then come to ask
you for twice the rent you owe him, just because he is having a good day.
If you really do toss your battery collar dog out the window, don’t be
surprised if he winds up with your landlord! It was all a deceitful plot
in the first place to get your dog out of your hands and into those of
your building baron. So don’t forget: when you leave your apartment, don’t
forget to unbattery your dog, because it will just cost you more rent in
the long run.
|
